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by Suzanne Kraus – September 24, 2009

Pleasure Her Perfect

Of course that workshop title caught my eye! Become pleasure proficient! Be a connoisseur of women’s sexuality! Well, yes, I do fancy myself such; so the opportunity to find ways to expand my lovers’ orgasms attracted this lesbian, especially as I have just started dating again after many years.

Approaching the event I wondered who would be coming to this workshop. Men? Het couples? Lesbian couples? Lesbians? Will I know more than the presenter, Nina Hartley? Will I learn something new? I can tell you that I definitely did learn a few things. I can recommend this workshop!

It was a very interesting evening. The Pleasure Chest hosts a variety of workshops throughout the year. Nina is known for her books, cable TV show, porn movies and workshops. She was direct, a little humorous, and identifies as bisexual, which piqued my ears. I was glad that Nina is also a woman-loving woman. While the audience appeared to be 99% straight it was receptive, asked serious questions and was focused on learning. The first thirty minutes or so were a little awkward but everyone seemed to relax and overcame shyness even as her content dealt with some of those very mental, emotional, physical and physiological issues of sexuality.

It was good to be reminded about some of the basics of being a good lover like, “…so much sex is above the neck; it is 60% emotional/40% physical.” “Orgasm is a personal, private thing” “Arousal limits awareness and connection to the other.” “Women take time to turn on – passion is not like porn.” “Do things that she likes not that she has to endure.” “Pay attention to her body.” “Every woman is different.”

Some detailed anatomical points to remember included that 90% of clitoral material is internal; know the parts and their elements; the anterior, lateral and posterior fornix’s are all sensitive and provide many exciting options. The spot between the clitoris and vagina is highly sensitive. Not every woman is into G-spot stimulation. Build excitement, stretch out the plateau – learn to handle/tolerate the pleasure! Tease with intention! Orgasm is a spinal cord reflex. Guess Mother Nature knew what she was doing!

Obviously it was a very sex-affirming workshop. Sex toys and techniques were demonstrated (using an inanimate model!). Nina explored the power exchanges of every interaction, and detailed the emotional states of domination/submission and the physical roles of top/bottom. It was a good introduction to what some consider “kinky” sex. Tantric sex was another suggestion for long term couples to increase their connection. Monotony while comfortable at times, and an easy and simple way for release, does not serve to keep a sex life vibrant and exciting. Perhaps that is a piece of the puzzle to explain “lesbian bed death”? (The euphemism for lesbian couples ending physical sexual relations sooner than any other loving couple).

Closing with admonishments that pleasure is not a gay thing; it is a human thing! She encouraged being open to exploring and learning what pleases your partner. After all, “…What is more attractive than a woman in the throes of pleasure?” I agree.