ASSORTED QUESTIONS

Since there are no pressing items in my idea file, I thought you all might like to see a sampling of questions that I receive, the kind that get one or two sentence answers, though I may embellish the answers for this column. Please note that names are changed and questions edited.

James writes: “I am currently speaking with a slave/sub that says you have trained him. He swears that you trained him in 18th century protocols and swears that any master whose slave-boy-sub does not follow them has to hurt them because of it. Thanks for any help or answers you might be able to give me.”

James sent along the guy’s picture and some other details so I could answer the question: First, I have never heard of the guy … and certainly have never trained him. Secondly I have never taught anything like 18th century protocols and would remind anyone that to "hurt" a person for not following any specific protocols is preposterous.

It is unfortunate that our subculture is so flooded by folks who think they have to invent a history and other folks who are gullible enough to believe their inventions.

The same week that James wrote to me, my friend Master Taino told me that he had chatted with a guy who told him that “Jack Rinella had died about a year ago.” Well believe me, that news isn’t correct. James then sent another email, thanking me for the answer and writing, “Hate to bother you again, but you might get an email from the boy I previously wrote and asked you about. He is writing to me insisting that I write and apologize to you for asking you about him. Anyway, thanks for your time and patience. Have a good day.”

My reply was rather terse: Apologize for checking references? Don't you dare. Checking references is one of the most important thing that players can (and should) do. Keep up the good work.

I’ll add that getting references is important and among Leathermen it was a common practice to do so. When I came into the scene in 1983, I couldn’t even list myself in a BDSM directory called InterChain until I had met a member and had been questioned to prove my identity, my experience level, and my trustworthiness.

*****

“My name is Lucy and I am new to the D/s lifestyle. I met my Master approximately three months ago online. He is new to the D/s lifestyle and has no experience either. Currently, this is an online long-distance relationship, but will move to 24/7 in real-time in the next year or two when I relocate to be with him. The other day he told me to join two online user groups and in doing so I learned something that I must admit has me a bit concerned. One of the members in the group was talking about caning/flogging safe practices, and it was mentioned to stay away from the kidney area and places on the body with tiny bones (hands/feet). There was more, but my Master replied back with a thank you as he hadn't even considered any of that. All these warning bells are going off in my head. I trust him to keep me safe, yet he's not as informed as I believed him to be.

“I have no one to talk to about my concerns, and on some days he is hot and cold with his reactions. I end up being punished for asking him questions that he finds insulting or demeaning, when all I am really doing is asking for clarification. I guess my one question to you, Mr. Jack, is where can I find someone to talk with about these things without fear of repercussions? I wish to learn and want to be smart and safe in my discoveries/education, as I wish my master would also desire to be.”

I answer questions like this one with the question “Where do you live?” I’m then able to do a simple search and point them to one or more of the many reputable gateway groups in their area. Believe me, every area has at least one of those groups within driving distance.

I added this to my response to Lucy: By the way, remember that it is only a cyber relationship, not a real-time one, no matter how serious and real your pretending feels. You have to meet this guy and get to know him well before you "move to 24/7 in real-time."

What I didn’t write is that it probably won’t take her much time to figure out that the guy needs to find a group too and needs to learn what it means to be a responsible player in our community.

I also often advise the Lucys who write that they ought to buy one of the excellent introductory books on the market.

*****

Gary says “Here's one for you. I am a bi male top. While I am very selective, I enjoy sucking cock - but here is the thing. I have many tops who say that if you are the sucker, you become the bottom. I personally think they are full of crap - and as the top, I can do what I want (as long as it is consensual with my bottoms). How do you justify things that you enjoy that are considered “bottoming,” or don't you?”

No surprise to this answer: I do what I damn well please and don't need to justify it to anyone. I love sucking a cock, too, though I don't usually do it with my slaves, but with tricks or bottoms I certainly might.

*****

Lastly: “I am planning an event in September that I would like you to speak at. So nuts and bolts, as you would put it, is that I can finance yours and Patrick’s airfare, make sure you are well fed and have part of a cabin. I am not sure how much you would want as payment for speaking. No offense, I am sure no matter what you would request would be more than fair. My problem is I do not know what will happen. I hope we will be able to work together, please let me know what kind of money you had in mind as far as a honorarium.”

No problem here: The honorarium is very negotiable. There usually isn’t one, though I do need to have my expenses covered in full.

I have lots of free weekends. For more details, visit my Web site at www.LeatherViews.com.